A Lesson from My Bosshole’s Boss

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Other than the fact tsecret you’ve been enabling this jack*** for years, we totally respect you sir. I swear.

If you’ve read a previous post about my bosshole, you know a little of our history. If you haven’t, that’s ok – here’s the short of the long: he’s an arrogant, alcoholic adulterer. Otherwise, I like working for him. Really, he has some redeeming qualities that make him tolerable sometimes, such as his pleasant, humorous demeanor during his current health stint where he hasn’t drank in two weeks. What a hero.

I digress.

I have been admittedly distracted at work for various reasons; I’m going through a drawn out break-up with my spousehole, I’d rather be writing or something equally creative for a living, and Bosshole has really been getting on my nerves these days because it’s becoming increasingly harder to hold him in high esteem. Our mutual boss, who we’ll call “Mr. Slate”, caught on to my mood last week and was kind enough to take me aside to ask what’s up my craw. I tried to dance around it stating I wasn’t challenged enough at work lately, but he saw through me like Wonder Woman’s airplane. And then the secrets that I’d been holding onto for three years came out like a tsunami. I told him everything about how often Bosshole shows up at the office wasted to the trips he takes with his HR mistress all courtesy of the company. Initially, I felt such a douche for ratting Bosshole out. I felt like I was weak for not being able to contain myself; for leaking like a sphincter after an Olestra binge.

But then the relief came. The quandary is now Mr. Slate’s to deliberate, not mine. The itchy monkey on my back had been ejected. Hallelujah.

People on Quora, including an HR professional, had advised me to seriously consider quitting when the behaviour of such a person as Bosshole is tolerated. I tried and the job hunt didn’t go so well. For now, I’m glad it didn’t. All I had to do was drop the holier-than-thou loyal assistant nonsense and just tell someone with integrity the truth. I wish I’d done it a long time ago, as it would’ve spared me months of internal grief. Other people’s sullied secrets are the baggage of the subservient.

Mr. Slate promised that he’ll never throw me under the bus and was empathetic about what it must have been like for me to have to deal with day in and day out. He also said it wouldn’t be a witch hunt on Bosshole – just that moving forward he’ll keep his eyes open. But then he mulled over it over the weekend and started feeling foolish for not noticing all of the signs of the drinking and affairs. He subsequently came in on Monday morning ready to tear Bosshole a new ***hole. That’s when I got motioned into a private room for a cautioning (so principal’s office like).

“You know, Imu, there is one thing that’s been bothering me all weekend and I lost sleep over it.” <stomach drops> “Shame on you for getting so buddy buddy with Bosshole that he felt he could divulge his infidelities to you. Do you understand the message here? What are you doing putting yourself in a position where he confesses his sins to you? He’s your supervisor, not your friend. Make the line between you very clear. It’s not just professionally shrewd for managers to not get too up close and personal with their subordinates – the same goes the other way around. Look at the load it put on you. I hope I’m not speaking out of turn. It’s just that I value you, you deserve to be respected and you should require that of others.”

Duly noted, sir. Duly noted.

 

The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep. – E.W. Howe

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How to Turn Your Bosshole into Your Muse

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Er, perhaps switch to white wine, sir.

I have a bosshole. He has some redeeming qualities, but his faults have been screaming so loud lately that I can barely concentrate at work.

What makes him a bosshole? He has a drinking problem, becomes arrogant when intoxicated (the guy likes his long lunches), he is having an extramarital affair with a colleague (his second co-worker that I know of since marriage) and has become so vocal about his cynicism that it’s demoralizing. It’s been so hard to ignore that I even contacted the company psychologist to try to learn to detach from his idiocies.

Today I decided that enough is enough. I’m not the moral police. I wasn’t hired to judge this guy. I will just allow him to dig his own grave and promise myself to not be here to go down with his ship. Now his bossholeness and wine teeth will be fuel to start my own venture; he will be my muse.

I have been doing a load of research lately on lifestyle businesses, listening to podcasts, have joined facebook groups with like-minded individuals and am doing a lot of interesting reading. It’s all so inspirational and it’s time that I delve into a success plan, so I’m going to take a leap and talk about one of the things that I want to do.

I am going to find entrepreneurs within my demographic – those who have started from nothing, who didn’t have handouts, and who perhaps made some major mistakes along the way. Converse with their humble beginnings, they realised that there was something out there that gave them a charge, something out there that they could share with the masses, and then they took that idea and rose above their cubicle like a resurrection to bring it to life. Did you hear the heavens open up when that last sentence ended? I know, I know – you also want to be that person with the gumption to do what they did. That’s why I’m going to find them, interview them, study their formula and give it to you.

There. I said it. Now I have to do it. I’ve never interviewed anyone before. But I will. I will trip while doing it, but at least I can say I tried.

Maybe you also have a bosshole. Or a spousehole. Whatever kind of ***hole they are, rather than being your deflation, let them be your inspiration.

Cubicle Interrupted: Let’s Resolve to Resign

I’m in my early 40’s and am still trying to find a way to be myself and get paid for it. Now that that has been typed, it seems kind of desperate.

I’ve been doing months of research about marketing myself – how to doll up my skills into a product that everyone wants to buy in order to start my own business so that I can flip the bird once and for all to my day job. However, I’m starting to question the legitimacy of this whole, trendy “personal branding” shit and am leaning on just being myself instead in order to validate to others, like you, that being our creative selves is enough. Sugar-coating our true identities and proficiencies will inevitably combust. Magna est veritas et prævalebit.

Cubicle Interrupted is going to be an experiment in formulating an exit strategy to rise from employee to entrepreneur. An accountability experiment in being ballsy* enough to choose ourselves. And in the meantime, also a place to pen survival tips/office hacks while we’re still minions because we do need to try to stay stimulated in order to maintain our sanity, as well as upholding some pride in our work so that we don’t get fired before we quit.

Join the exodus. Undoubtedly, it will be your most richly deserved celebration when you do it, finally. Our call to action: Let’s start planning our party immediately.

*Would “vagi” be more fitting? After all, their elasticity combined with their post-childbirth resilience seems way tougher than balls, no? Vagi it is.